Arduin Grimoire, Part XI

Rune Weavers’ Magik

Also, Magikal Treasures

“Hargraves New Magikal Spells (Wondrous Webs Of Power)”

“(Continued)”

Continued from what, you may ask.

From the next page, of course. The ordinary laws of time, space, and page order mean nothing here! Nothing, do you hear me? Nothing!

Anyway… Rune Weaver Spells, or “Webs Of Power”, which is an admittedly awesome term.

Sort Order? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Sort Order!

So, this is the first page, which is after the second page… but anyway…

Yeah, This Really IS Awesome. No Sarcasm. Seriously.

The Spell Of The North Wind Spider. Skylar’s Web Of Wondrous Entrapment. Waziran’s Wondrous Web Of Paralysis.

This is what RPG spells should sound like! The names are evocative and informative! You have at least a clue what each one does… North Wind? Sounds cold, right? Paralysis? Well, that’s obvious. Etc. Let’s compare, in order to keep (TRIGGER WARNING: ANIMAL CRUELTY¹) beating dead horses, “Golden Wyvern Adept”. This was the proposed name for a feat that let a wizard exclude some targets from an AOE spell in Dungeons & Dragons Fourth Edition. It was mocked to death, rightly so. Style and flavor are important… but not to the point where they’re meaningless. Arduin, mostly, hit the sweet spot.

And the colors! Dude, look at the colors! Mottled grey-green, sparkling metallic gold, and (on the first page, which is really the second page), “As For Green Slime”. Erm, OK, that one’s not so hot. I mean… green? Or “translucent drippy slimy green”? But there’s also “Whistling Glowing Blue Web On Fire The Blue Flames”, and I don’t care that, technically, “whistling” isn’t a color. It is if Dave Hargrave says it is, damn it!

That’s “the spell of the web that eats men”, which conjures a 10′ web of green slime. It holds “all up to 10 dice” and “attacks at 1 die per turn, then 2, then 4, etc.”, and in the face of such coolness, it would be churlish of me to whine that it doesn’t actually say what size die.. I’m guessing either “D6” or “Whatever die green slime use”. (Not ‘dye’, please note. Green Slime only rarely color themselves black to try to pass for Black Pudding.)

Oh, those “(C)”, etc., notations? They’re things the web is “100% PROOF” against. C=Cold, CP=Chop, L=Lightning, etc.

New Magikal Treasures

Now, the important stuff: The phat l3wt, though of course, we didn’t call it that back then. You couldn’t have your Monty Haul games without tons of magic.. er… magik… and here’s some new stuff.

You Will Also Need To Spend 2d10 Copper Pieces Or Be Surrounded By Panhandlers

Other than the obvious pun… well, obvious if you’ve lived in the Bay Area and used its laughably misnamed Rapid Transit System (OTOH, if you were living in Joisey at the time, you totally didn’t get it)… I posted this mostly to show the format. Value, looks, effect. “Looks” was generally not standard for the time. Greyhawk, for instance, added many of the most iconic items to D&D, but described them almost entirely mechanically. Likewise, the “Value” of magic items, from what I can tell, didn’t become standard until the DMG came out around 1979 or so. Neither Greyhawk nor my LBBs list prices for magic items, at least not in a clear and obvious place — which, I must admit, is no proof they’re not in there, given the nature of the era. (“Well, of course the price tables for magic items are in between ‘Table II-A: Swamp Parasites’ and ‘Table II-B: Sausage Prices’. Where else would they be?”)

A few of the niftier items:

• Gauntlet of the Fencing Master: For use by “thieves, assassins, traders, slavers, or bards only” It works for “epees, rapiers, and foils only“. What does it do? Oh, just gives you a +5 to your attack and give you double attacks per turn. Sweet!
• Staff Of The Druids: Summons 1d4 helpers who will deal with paperwork, make sure your mistletoe is fresh, and do your shopping… nah. This black oak staff, “entwined with living vines and crowned by mistletoe”, can “strike for 3-18, plus overtime pay and maternity leave”, summon and water for 2 people per user level up to 3/day, and cure diseases and light wounds… apparently without any limits or charges. Oh, and it makes plants grow “extremely” fast up to 10 times normal size, and I can guarantee you there were plenty of arguments over whether or not “extremely” fast meant “ten times faster, so it’s cool for farmers” or “instantly, so I can grow an entire oak tree in the next round”.
• Slaver’s Lash: 18′ long barbed, blood red whip of fire demon hide. 3-18 damage plus the wounds fester for 1 point/minute, and “save vs. fear or surrender”. Fifty shades of ouch! (Should I mention there isn’t, in fact, a ‘save vs. fear’ on the saving throw tables I discussed a post or two ago? Nah, it would be churlish of me. Seriously, the ‘Reflex/Will/Fortitude’ simplification in 3.0 was one of the best things to happen to core D&D mechanics.)
• Ring Of Ruthlessness: The wearer becomes “100% Amoral Evil”. If anyone disagrees with him, he will “slay them instantly”. +3 to Strength, Intelligence, Dexterity, Agility, and Constitution, and +6 to Ego, as well as +4 to attacks. Clearly, this is how DMs are made.
• Oil Of Instant Obedience: Spread it ony object and, three minutes later, the objects will “dance to your tune”, obeying your commands. Yes, people are included in this. It’s strongly implied this adds some form of mobility to rocks and furniture. Did I mention it’s “no save”, lasts for an hour, and only costs 5,000 gold?
• Whimsey Wine: “When drunk, anything can happen!” Insert your own sleazy college story here. Anyway, this might cause “the user to become hasted, or turn blue”. The DM is encouraged to have a “Whimsey Chart” with 20 or more things listed, and roll on it.

And here’s a picture of a boogie man. This is not from the edition of Arduin I’ve been mostly referencing here, but from the edition I’ve had since I was in High School. Why? Because, even though it pains me to say this, the art from Erol Otus in a lot of that early printing wasn’t that great, compared to his later genius. It might have just been poor reproduction, or something. But this guy? Michio? He was freakin’ amazing, even given the limited printing capacity of the time. Oh, but why a picture of a boogie man? Because that’s what’s at the end of the Magik Items section, of course. Duh.

Oddly, He Is Not Wearing Tight Jeans, Nor Does He Have A Coke Spoon. Boogie Man, Get It? Thanks. Don’t Forget To Tip Your Waiter.

And with that, we’re officially at the halfway point in the book! Tune in next time, for Alignment! Also, Combat, and maybe we’ll make it to the Dinosaur Chart.

1:OK, I think it’s out of my system now.