Force Awakens Spoiler-riffic Thoughts
Force Awakens — Random Thoughts
Warning: Contains spoilers, and won’t make a lot of sense if you haven’t seen the movie. Important: I loved it and am totally going to see it again. And again. And buy the Extended DVD and the “Making Of” and watch all the Robot Chicken parodies and…
But as anyone who has been reading my epic Arduin saga knows, just because I love something, doesn’t mean I don’t mock, nitpick, and criticize it…
Things I Learned From Star Wars: The Force Awakens
- There’s no need to train Jedi from infancy. All you need to master telekinesis, mind control, and light saber combat is to simply be told there is such a thing as the Force a few hours earlier. It’s like Hagrid saying, “You’re a wizard, Harry!”, and Harry going, “Cool! Avada Kedavra, Dursleys!”
- Addendum: Having had some time to settle in my brain, and having read other analysis that bring up points I missed, I realized it was strongly implied Rey had prior Jedi training which was somehow buried in her mind, and she was more than likely recovering knowledge she’d rightfully earned.
- A slightly less long time ago, in a galaxy just as far away, there is still no OSHA.
- Transporting droids carrying information vital to the Rebellion is a great way to get into trouble. Again.
- JJ Abrams left most of the lens flare home, but doubled down on the daddy issues.
- It’s possible to have an economy based on scavenging ruined spaceships… without anyone to sell the scavenged parts to. (I don’t mean the sleazy guy buying the junk. I mean, who is he selling it to? He’s clearly a middleman… so who is on the other side?)
- Addendum: Somehow, I wrote ‘too’ for ‘to’ twice. Corrected.
- A planet roughly a thousand miles in diameter can have 1-G gravity and a breathable atmosphere.
- Trailers lie — in a good way. A lot of the scenes in the trailer happened in a different context than I thought, and that’s good.
- Escape now, hug later, is good advice.
- Even garbagemen (sorry, “sanitation engineers”) can be heroes. Seriously.
- Jedi can invent weapons which contain a plasma field perfectly, using a power cell a few inches log, but never invented elevators.
- We will be absolutely freakin’ besieged with Mary Sue self-insertion fanfics about Kylo Ren, because he’s so mopey and emo and conflicted and just look at those big pouty lips and quivering eyes. An entire generation of tween girls entered puberty the instant his mask came off. I guarantee it.
- Skywalker family gatherings must redefine “awkward”.
- FTL travel, sapient robots, and personal plasma weapons? Sure. Better graphics than an Atari 2600 on your targeting computer? Not so much.
- JJ Abrams really doesn’t understand how space works. This is much more forgivable in Wars than in Trek.
- Contrary to a lot of high-falutin’ nonsense from lit-crit majors, it is sometimes the case that the original creator of a work of art is not actually the best steward of it.
- A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away, a black guy standing around minding his own business is still going to get jumped, knocked to the ground, tazed, and called a thief.
- Wookies are the most patient and forgiving species imaginable. If I took a tenth as much crap for being Jewish as Chewbacca does for being a Wookie, I’d be in the JDL.
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