So, it’s been an… interesting… couple of months. I still have real paid (by tabletop RPG standards of ‘paid’) writing to do, but since I did want to kick this moribund site into a less moribund… lessibund?… state, I saw this picture and was somewhat inspired. Please note, regardless of what you read on Facebook, these are not Ancient Egyptian Parrot Mummies, they are Modern Belgian Art Exhibits. Sure, when they create creepy dead birds, it’s “art”, but when I do it, it’s “a warning sign of severe psychosis”. Bah! Where was I?

BTW, this page has been a real pain to produce, as the new “Gutenberg” layout editor, which I stupidly keep trying, remains a festering pile of dingo’s kidneys, but after a year or so of improvements, it tricked me into thinking it might be usable, then it erased the entire page (fortunately, I hit “save draft” like a rat in a psych lab hits the button which dumps the cocaine in), so I gave up and hit the “revert to classic editor”, which preserved the text but also contains, invisibly, all the CSS and other crap from the original, so Ghu knows how this will look. Also, the plugins and crap I use for fonts have gone all pear-shaped, so either the font renders correctly in my edit window but wrong in preview, or vice-versa — it’s the wrong font in edit but it looks correct in preview. WYSBNRTWYG.

For instance, the headers in my editor are set to “Metal Mania”, but look like they’re Times Roman in this editor, but when I go to preview, it looks correct. And the AD&D version, below, is set to “Nunito”, which looks pretty close to the Monster Manual, but, again, looks like the generic serif font. It’s the year 2020, and with a global infrastructure capable of processing petabytes of data every second, we have editing tools grossly inferior to MacWrite 1.0.

 

Familiars

A few strange and perverse magic-users have found ways to convert one of these creatures into a familiar. This requires the following:

• That one be captured “alive”, that is, animate.
  • Care must be taken to keep the creature contained while the ritual is prepared and performed. If the ritual is not even known when the parrot is captured, this will be an ongoing problem. Fortunately, as undead, it can be sealed up somewhere, as it doesn’t need to eat, drink, or breathe. However, curious apprentices, household servants, and visiting in-laws all have a distressing habit of poking about where they should not.
• That a rare arcane rite be known. This may be found in an ancient tome, scroll, or set of tablets in the general vicinity of the mummy parrots, or it might require a quest. This will take 2-8 weeks, and cost 1000 gp/week for consultation with sages, travel, and purchase of fragmentary arcane records.
• That the magic-user already possess a familiar, and have done so for a year or more. This must be sacrificed, with the usual effect of losing a familiar. This act is both chaotic and evil.This is done at the end of the rite.
  
  • In the case of a special familiar, it will fight to the death once they realize what’s going on. If the familiar to be sacrificed was of good alignment, the magic-user becomes chaotic evil one the rite is done, period, full stop. The reaction of the forces of darkness to the magic-user’s rejection of their ‘gift’ of an imp or quasit is up to the GM.
• Performing the rite consumes 4000 gold pieces worth of reagents and takes 24 hours, during which, the magic-user may do nothing but enact the ritual, eat (no more than one hour divided among three meals) and sleep (up to 6 hours, but no more than 1 hour at a time with at least an hour of wakefulness between).
  
  

When all of this has been accomplished, the mummy parrot is bound to the magic-user and obeys it as a familiar, including the increased hit points. As with normal familiars, it will fight for its master only in the most dire of circumstances. It grants infravision, 60′ range, and a +1 bonus to saves against any innate abilities of the undead, such as a ghoul’s paralyzing touch, but not against spells cast by undead, or against similar powers from living creatures. Furthermore, if the spell the parrot knew prior to being bound by the magic-user was one its new master does not know, it may be scribed in their spellbook with a 100% chance of success, regardless of Intelligence. (Normal costs and time apply.)

It also offers a unique advantage: When the ritual is complete, the magic-user must choose either:

• To grant the mummy parrot the ability to cast one single spell of second level or lower which the magic-user has in their spellbook, twice a day, on command. The chosen spell cannot be changed.
• To grant the mummy parrot the ability to cast any spell or second level or lower which the magic-user has in their spellbook, once per day… but the spell may be changed every 24 hours, usually when the magic-user prepares their spells.
• The spell chosen must not require material components worth more than a few gold pieces. This is not an issue for official spells of 1st or 2nd level, but just in case people bring in other material, it’s mentioned.

Issuing the command takes but 1 segment. The parrot’s casting takes as many segments as the spell normally requires.

Should the mummy parrot familiar be slain, the usual penalty of losing — permanently — twice its hit points applies.

The DM may wish to consider the forbidden and ancient lore a parrot mummy may possess, and occasionally have it blurt out clues to lost tombs or fragments of forgotten mysteries.

Pathfinder 2 Version

It is rumored these creatures were first invented by the lich-kings of an ancient and forgotten desert kingdom, but the secret of their creation has endured in forbidden tomes and crumbling scrolls for many generations. Their colors faded, their flesh rotting, their beaks and claws yellowed and cracked, they are normally found as the eternal guardians of the resting places of masters of the arcane… but some among the living (or the relatively recent unliving) have been known to have one as a companion or guardian.

They have a potent bite, given their size — their unliving muscles given strength from necrotic power, their beaks, cracked and brittle, are yet capable of shattering bone. They can produce a sound which induces agonizing pain to anything alive. But it is their magical abilities which are unique. While a living parrot can mimic words, these undead creatures mimic spells… taught a handful of lesser arcana by their creators, they reproduce the words exactly, ignoring any need for gestures or material components. When the mummy parrot uses the Cast A Spell activity, it takes the same number of actions as the spell normally should, and it has only the verbal component. The mummy parrot cannot be taught a spell which lacks a verbal component, and it cannot be taught a spell whose material component has a listed cost of more than 1 silver piece.

If applicable, they may choose to spontaneously heighten a first level spell to consume a second level slot. They have four first level slots (2 spells known) and one second level slot (one spell known).

More powerful undead parrots with wider spell selections are not impossible.

Generally, they are taught directly offensive spells, but if a group of 3 or more are encountered, one will likely have tactical or support magics, generally chosen to coordinate well with the others. The majority of parrot mummies will have been deliberately placed; as such, will have been taught spells appropriate to their location and duty.

Parrot mummies have an odd place in the hierarchy of undead. They are not truly self-aware, as a lich or mummy is, but neither are they mindless automatons like a skeleton. They have their original animal mind and instincts, but they also have a necromantically-imposed set of tactics and reactions, enabling them to cast spells efficiently and effectively, wisely choosing targets and cooperating with each other.

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Interrogation

If a parrot mummy has exhausted its spell slots and can be immobilized, someone who is trained in Religion or an appropriate Lore (Ancient Lore, Undead Lore, another Lore relating to the historical time the parrot mummy is from) can try to trigger it to recite phrases it may have learned in life or unlife. This takes 10 minutes, and is a DC 24 (secret) check. This can only be done once per day, and each successive attempt increases the DC by 1, as there are fewer key words/phrases to try.

Critical Success: The parrot mummy reveals something of value in a clear way. (“Squawk! The guardian golem’s password is ‘Asp’s Caress’! Squawk!”)
Success: The parrot mummy reveals some useful hint or clue, but not everything. (“Squawk! The guardian golem’s password is shiny shiny! Sparkle! Wanna play! I’m a good bird!”)
Failure: The parrot mummy repeats some random or irrelevant phrase. (“Squawk! Get out of here! Put down that khopesh! You wouldn’t dare! Squawk!”)
Critical Failure: The parrot mummy says something that is dangerously incorrect or misleading, but sounds true. (“Squawk! It’s too expensive to make a golem to guard the vault!”)

The above assumes the interrogator is trying words or phrases generally associated with the time/region when the parrot was interacting with the world, without knowing what it might have heard or been trained to repeat. To seek a specific piece of information increases the DC by 1 to 3, at the GMs discretion. The GM may also determine it’s impossible for the bird to have overheard/learned the desired knowledge. In such a case:

Critical Success: You know this is a fruitless task, but you get a hint as to something else it might know.
Success: You know this is pointless.
Failure: Random babbling.
Critical Failure: You are absolutely sure this is precisely the knowledge you seek and trust it implicitly.

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Familiar

Rare, obscure, and long lost rituals may tell how to bind a parrot mummy as a familiar. It is unlikely you will have access to this feat without some effort, as determined by the GM.

RARE | ALCHEMIST | SORCERER | WIZARD

Prerequisite: Enhanced Familiar
Requirement: You must have an animate parrot mummy which is incapable of escaping or interfering with the binding ritual.

You transfer the life force and magical bonding of your familiar into the parrot mummy. This is both an evil and chaotic act, and the GM will consider any consequences which may ensue. The mummy parrot has the darkvision, flyer, and speech companion traits, as well as the listed immunities and vulnerabilities. 

Each time you perform your daily preparations, you may designate one spell at least three levels lower than the highest level spell you can cast, or two spells at least four levels lower, which the parrot mummy can cast when you command it do so. This spell must take two actions or less to cast; if it takes more, you must expend additional actions to command it.

It also grants a +1 circumstance bonus to the counteract modifier when you attempt a counterspell.

Due to the potency of these abilities, and the benefits of the many additional immunities, the mummy parrot can gain only one additional master or companion power. It cannot gain lifelink, unless you are also undead.

You also gain the following:
Embarrassing Outburst: When you or an ally attempt a Lie, Gather Information, Make an Impression, Request, or Coerce check, and your mummy parrot is within 30′, make a DC 3 flat check. On a failure, it will blurt out something embarrassing, compromising, or scandalous, imposing a -2 circumstance penalty to the check.

If the mummy parrot familiar is killed, gaining another one requires repeating the entire process from scratch, including binding a new familiar to yourself.

It is otherwise treated as a normal familiar in terms of hit points, AC, damage, and so on, losing its other attacks and abilities.

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UNCOMMON | NE | SMALL | UNDEAD | MUMMY

Perception +14; darkvision

Languages: Necril, one other ancient language

Skills Acrobatics +13, Arcana +13, Athletics +10, Stealth +8, Ancient Lore +12

Str +5, Dex +2, Con +5, Int +2, Wis +2, Cha +2

AC 21; Fort +11; Ref +15; Will +14

HP 61; negative healing; Immunities death effects, disease, electricity, paralyze, poison, unconscious; Vulnerabilities: fire 5

Speed 10 feet; fly 40 feet

Melee ◆ Bite +14 Damage 2d6+5 slashing plus lesser mummy rot
Squawk ◆◆ (auditory, sonic) The mummy parrot squawks loudly. All living creatures in a 30′ burst must make a basic fortitude save (DC 19) against 3d6 sonic damage + deafness for 1d4 rounds. On a critical failure, the deafness lasts a full minute. It can do this once every 1d4 rounds.
Arcane Innate Spells (DC 21, attack +13); 2nd any 1 (2 x day), 1st any 2 (4 x day)
Polly Wanna Counterspell ↻ Requirement: The parrot mummy has not cast all of its innate spells.
The parrot mummy reacts to the words of magic by loudly repeating them, mixed with random words and other noise, baffling and confusing the caster. This can counter the spell, with a counteract modifier of +13 (+15 if it’s a spell the mummy parrot has an innate spell, even if it’s been cast). This consumes an uncast innate spell.
Lesser Mummy Rot (curse, disease, divine, necromancy, negative) This disease and any damage from it can’t be healed until this curse is removed. A creature killed by lesser mummy rot can be raised normally. Saving Throw DC 20 Fortitude; Stage 1 carrier with no ill effect (1 minute); Stage 2 3d6 negative damage and stupefied 1 (1 day)