Monthly Archives: November 2010

Galactic Dragon

Booty And The Beasts — The Complete Epic Saga

In honor of finally getting content (mostly) moved over, themes set, plugins plugged, and all of that, I am posting a link to the “complete” Booty and the Beasts review/walkthrough — all eight inconsistently named parts!

Creatures Of the Land — Fungus Men, Neutronium Golems, Living Hills, and more!

Creatures Of the Sea — Sonic Fish, Deadly Diatoms, Neptunians, and more!

Creatures of the Air (and Space): — Galactic Dragon!!!! (And more, but, really, the Galactic Dragon is all you need.)

Demons: Queen Of Lust. And some others. But mostly, the Queen of Lust.

Parasites: Spine Crabs, Macrosites, Womb Lice, and, yeah, more!

Robots: Drillbots and Dredbots… and more!

Magical Booty: Gumbos, gumbos, gumbos. And the Wand of the Marrow Squid. And more!

Tech Booty:Lasers, Masers, and the Multi-Eye People of Algol IV. And more!

And as a special bonus… the first part of my review/walkthrough of the Necromican, the companion volume of spells!

Necromican Levels 1-3

An Emergency Earth Delta Link

I stupidly thought that the old URL structure would work even with the broken WP front end. Yeah. Another brilliant idea from Lizard. Anyway, this link should take you directly to the Earth Delta PDF: Delta Beta Release 1c.pdf

Yeah, This Is Going Well.

As you can tell by the cheerily generic surroundings, the transition from Joomla to WordPress is going just bloody swimmingly. Fortunately, I can roll back whenever I want. Just posting this to let all both of my readers know this isn’t just some random “Domain abandoned, this is a placeholder” thing, but a work-in-progress. I’ll give myself another 2-3 days to straighten this out, then give up and learn enough CSS to make Joomla do what I want.

Aw, heck, because I’d love to delude myself into believing someone is reading this, here’s some content (with crappy formatting because I haven’t learned how to paste RTF into WordPress yet.)

Annihilation Army Alchemist

Annihilation Army Alchemist Level 13 Artillery
Medium natural humanoid XP 800
HP 100; Bloodied 50

AC 25; Fortitude 25; Reflex 27; Will 24

Speed 6

Immune fear; Resist 10 fire, 10 acid

Initiative +15

Perception +12

Standard Actions
m Acid In The Eyes (acid) • At-Will
Attack: +18 vs. AC
Hit: 4d6 + 6 acid damage, and target is at -2 to all attack rolls and perception checks until the end of the alchemist’s next turn.
Special: If the alchemist hits someone already suffering from this effect with any attack with the “acid” keyword, the penalty doubles to -4. .
A Explosive Brew (fire) • Recharge 3 4 5 6
Attack: Area burst 3 within 10 (All creatures in burst); +15 vs. Reflex
Hit: 4d8 + 2 fire damage, and ongoing 10 fire damage.
C Acid Spritzer (acid) • Recharge 5 6
Attack: +15 vs. Fortitude
Hit: 4d8 + 4 acid damage, and target gains vulnerability 5 (acid) (save ends).
A Acid Grenade (acid, fire) • Encounter
Attack: Area burst 2 within 10 (All creatures in burst); +17 vs. Reflex
Hit: 2d10 + 5 fire and acid damage, and target takes ongoing 5 acid damage (save ends) and ongoing 5 fire damage (save ends). So long as the target is taking both types of damage, they are at -2 to all defenses.
A Bouncing Bomb (fire) • At-Will
Attack: Burst 1 within 10 (All creatures in burst, see special.); +15 vs. Reflex
Hit: 2d8 + 7 fire damage and target is knocked prone.
Special: The alchemist designates one creature in the area as the primary target. For all other creatures in the area, roll 1d20: On a roll of 1-5, they are not target; on a roll of 6-15, they are targeted normally; on a roll of 16-20, they are targeted with a +2 on the attack roll.
Triggered Actions
C Suicide Bomb (fire) • Encounter
Trigger: The Alchemist is reduced to 0 hit points.
Attack (Immediate Reaction): Close Burst 2 (All creatures in burst.); +16 vs. Reflex
Hit: 3d8 + 4 fire damage and creature is pushed 1 square.
Effect: The squares occupied by the alchemist are ablaze and will remain so until the end of the encounter. Any creature entering or beginning their turn in this area takes 3d6+5 fire and acid damage. This area is difficult terrain.
Skills Technology +15
Str 16 (+9) Dex 28 (+15) Wis 13 (+7)
Con 16 (+9) Int 19 (+10) Cha 13 (+7)
Alignment chaotic evil Languages Common

It’s easy to think of the Annihilation Army as nothing but insane, mindless, psychopaths bent on nothing but destruction. This is a sad and demeaning stereotype. Some members of the Annihilation Army are insane, highly intelligent psychopaths bent on nothing but destruction. The alchemist is one such, a mad genius who mixes up explosives and corrosives and hurls them recklessly around the battlefield, not caring in the least if he catches some of his “allies” in the blast, or even himself.

Because they work with bizaare chemicals and strange substances, even if the alchemist began as a normal human (which should not be assumed, feel free to tack an ‘oid’ onto these guys), they often develop additional mutations. See the bolt-on list, or look at these:

Exposed Brain

The alchemist’s brain has exploded out of his skull and is a massive, throbbing, organ that spurts madness-inducing lightning.

Exposed Brain
The creature gains telepathy (100 foot range) and vulnerability 5 (Psychic) per tier.
C Electric Psychic Insanity (psychic, lightning, reliable) • Encounter
Attack: (One creature in burst); +16 vs. Will
Hit: 3d6 + 11 lightning and psychic damage, and creature uses an at-will attack power against his nearest ally as a free action (this attack does not provoke) or is slid 3 squares.

Assymetric Tentacles

The alchemist has grown numerous tentacles of varied length.

O Asymmetric Tentacles • Aura 1
Any creature beginning their turn in or entering the aura must save or grant combat advantage until the end of their next turn or until they leave the aura.

Necromican, Part I

The Necromican

Please note the spelling. There’s no “nom” (make your own lolcat joke) and it’s “can”, not “con”. Also, did you ever notice it was “Joo-ib-il-ex” and not “Joo-buh-lex”? This has nothing to do with the Necromican, it’s just a random observation.

Anyway, the Necromican is one of two seriously unofficial Dungeons & Dragons supplements produced by Fantasy Art Enterprises back in 1979, the other being, of course, Booty And The Beasts. (That’s part 1 of, believe it or not, 8. Read all 8 parts. Then get back here. There may be a quiz.) The Necromican is, as you may have guessed, a book of spells, ranging from such simple first level magics as the Spell Of Good Grooming to such puissant (thank you, Gary Gygax, for doing to my vocabulary what McDonalds did to my waistline) thaumaturgies as the 12th level Summoning of the Black Hole. These mighty magics are…

Huh? Yes, 12th level. As I was saying, these spells…

Yes, it was written for “Most Fantasy Role-Playing Games”, and that meant “Dungeons & Dragons”, just as surely as when you hear someone complain about “International Bankers”, what they mean is, “Greedy Jews”.

Yes, the Player’s Handbook only went to ninth level. So what’s your point? The Necromican goes to twelfth level (which makes even the “These go to 11” joke not work, because these go to twelve). Do you think we were bothered by such trivialities? It was pretty easy to extend the spell chart, following the same pattern, to allow for 10th and higher level spells. How do you think we were supposed to deal with things like the Galactic Dragon? With “Magic Missile”?

Gods! Kids these days.

I think I’ll start with a look at the first level or two of spells. As with the Booty and the Beast articles, I won’t be listing each and every item, just calling out a few I think are particularly interesting.


Much as the creator of Dilbert has been accused of undermining the Worker’s Revolution by appearing to mock pointy haired bosses but actually is a tool used by the capitalist pigs to divert the rage of the oppressed (and when the guys in IT rise up to rebel, watch out!), I have recently been informed that my purpose in life is to “destroy” old school gaming and that when I write articles such as this, or the B&TB series, I am “denigrating” this style of play by focusing on the “sophomoric” aspects, or, as I would call them, the totally fracking awesome aspects. So if you read this and you are filled with a sudden desire to pitch your old D&D books out the window and go play, I dunno, “My Life With Master” or something, or maybe decide the most fun you could possibly have would be a three hour long argument over how to apply the rules for grappling with multi-armed creatures with reach in D&D 3.x, then it’s clear I’ve succeeded in my fiendish plot and have twisted your mind against anything that comes in a Little Brown Book. On the other hand, if you respond to these articles with “Dude! Where can I get a copy of this?”, then I’ve failed, and will undoubtedly be ordered to report to my secret Illuminati masters for re-assignment.

Remember: I secretly HATE the Necromican, and Booty and the Beasts, and All The Worlds Monsters (haven’t done that one yet, but it’s on the agenda) and the Ready Ref Sheets (ditto) and all the other stuff I’ve carted around with me from when I was an 8th grader in 1978 until now, and I spend 1-2 hours writing these articles, for no pay (I’ve earned about ten bucks from Google ads in three years. Trust me, this is “for no pay”), just to FOOL you into thinking that these books and systems are things which have tremendously influenced me and helped shape my writing style and vision. I am LYING when I say I am still awed and amazed by the breadth of creativity and passion displayed by Gary Gygax and Dave Hargrave (among others, but those two remain the twin ruling gods in my pantheon). My whole purpose in life is to MOCK their work and DESTROY their legacy.

Just so we’re perfectly clear. I would never wish to be dishonest. Oh, wait… according to my stalker critic, I am innately dishonest, so I guess that doesn’t work, either.

Oh well.

Just read on, and I hope you enjoy the article while I POISON YOUR MIND WITH MY LIES!

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Earth Delta Design Diary 11/11/2010

Earth Delta Design Diary, 11/11/2010

You know, “Design Diary” doesn’t sound very macho. Maybe “Design Journal” or “Design Book Of Shadows” would be better.

Anyway, design goes on! This is design for Earth Delta, Lizard’s game of post-apocalyptic mutant roleplaying using the Dungeons & Dragons Fourth Edition rules.

Still doing a lot of work on monsters; since it’s now official that WOTC has ceased development on Monster Builder, I either push forward with the buggy version and modify all my old existing critters, or try to find an alternate solution.

Booty And The Beasts, Part VIII: Technology

Booty And The Beasts Part VIII: Technological Items

“And now… the end is…” Wait, I did that bit already?

Tyler's Genitals Are Drilled Off

Alright then! Well, this is the end, the final, the ultimate, the conclusion, the finish, the… boy, online thesauruses…thesauris..thesa… collections of synonyms are great! Anyway, this section covers technological items from Booty and the Beasts! What’s Booty and the Beasts, you ask? It’s not a new cartoon on Adult Swim about a hot girl who travels the country solving mysteries with a bunch of cliched monsters ripped off from Universal Studios, though, now that I think about it, that’s not a bad idea. Someone pitch it to them. Nor is it a rap album. It is, rather, an seriously unofficial supplement for Dungeons & Dragons, published in 1979 by Fantasy Art Enterprises, wonderfully illustrated by Erol Otus, and it features such amazing creations as the Galactic Dragon and some slightly less amazing creations such as the Gas Bag Neck People.

Those would be the “beasts”; this is the “booty”, the treasure, the loot, the bling, the swag, the… OK, enough thesaurus jokes. (I’m pretty sure the thesaurus was a 12 hit die dinosaur in the original Monster Manual, come to think of it). The first part of the booty articles covered the magical items; this part covers the technological items. Yes, technological items. You see, back in the good old days, we didn’t worry about “cohesiveness” or have any weird forge games which were tightly focused on playing one type of character through one type of story. We used D&D rules as a sort of semi-generic system into which we could toss anything we could imagine, and we could imagine quite a bit. Mixing tech and fantasy was commonplace, and Booty & The Beasts both fed off and fed into that zeitgeist. (Really, it all probably started with “Temple of the Frog” in Blackmoor.)

Anyway, from Pulse Lasers to Plasma Blades, they’re all in here… read on!

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